How the Church Should Treat Those Who Identify as “Gay Christian”

There is much to be celebrated in the Christian church today as Jesus builds it the way He promised to (Matthew 16:18). Yet amid the glorious work He is doing, the pragmatic strategies of men — both sinful and not sinful — tend to convolute the basic task of our speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). One specific subject we’re seeing this happen is regards to what has been labeled “gay Christianity.” The concept has been popularized by Andy Stanley because instead of calling homosexuality a sin (with full stop), preachers like Stanley will add nuances and rabbit trails ad nauseam. Furthermore, for reasons only Stanley knows, he continues to drift into liberal and even unchristian territory with his views on homosexuality. In one recent sermon, he explained how his issue with two homosexual men who were serving at one of their North Point Church locations was that one of the men was still married. This, in Stanley’s words, was “adultery.” Never once did he call their long-time homosexual relationship a sin. His arguments have focused a great deal on a caricature regarding how the church has treated gay people. But most Christian churches are faithfully speaking the truth, and that will not be popular. So is it our treatment of gay people, or our speaking the truth that is causing problems? Perhaps Stanley is used to being so liked by the world that he has forgotten Jesus’ words in John 15:18: we would be hated by the world. 

I want to use this article to help us put Andy Stanley’s caricature to the test. Is it true? Are churches mistreating gay people? Should we admire their faith as Stanley does, because they face persecution from us and yet still dawn the doors? Are we persecuting gay people? Or is it possible that our loving approach of speaking the truth is being rejected by those who suppress the truth in unrighteousness (Romans 1:18)? 

Below is a biblically balanced roadmap for how the church should treat those who identify as “Gay Christians.” This is a sensitive, volatile, and controversial topic that has taken on a great deal of complexity but only because people make it complex. God has made His truth simple and His way clear. 

After reading through the points, reflect on them and ask yourself: are we persecuting those who identify as gay Christians, or are we lovingly pleading for their souls? 

1: See them as one made in the image of God

Perspective matters here. All human beings are made in the image of God so we must see them that way. This impacts our attitude, our tone, and our goals for the gay community. We want them to know God, to walk in truth, and to use their lives to bring glory to God. Therefore, we see them as any sinner is: a lost soul in need of a Savior. 

2: Ask “HMU” questions like a prudent and wise Christian should

Proverbs has much to say about a “prudent” person and it typically has to do with being thoughtful, wise, and intentional with the way we speak and act. Before you offer counsel or correction, be sure you understand their situation. “HMU” stands for Help me understand. Here are several you might consider: 

• Help me understand, are you a practicing homosexual or wrestling with same-sex attraction but never acted on it? 

• Help me understand where you’re approaching this from. Do you feel like it’s sinful to be gay or just the way God made you? Also, do you feel like it’s sinful to be same-sex attracted? 

• Help me understand a little more about your background. When you did first begin thinking about identifying as gay? 

• Help me understand your view of being a gay Christian. Who would you say has had the most influence on your view? 

• Help me understand your experience in the local church. How have others handled your “coming out?” Or am I the first pastor or church member to talk to you about this? 

You can add more as needed but you should get the point. Like a builder assesses the landscape upon which he is building, and like a doctor gathers subjective and objective data like internal feelings and external symptoms, and like a surgeon reviews the patient’s entire case before surgery, you do well to understand their specific situation before undertaking the task of counseling or correcting. Are they same-sex attracted but confessing it to the Lord daily? Do they believe you can be a gay Christian? Do they mention a concerning preacher as being their favorite or most helpful influence on these matters? Are they married to the opposite sex, the same sex, or unmarried? Is this a recent struggle or a long-time? Was their sinful action a one-time thing or reoccurring? Do they even think it’s sinful? Even if they do not agree with your end goal, you will have honored the Lord in your approach, giving them the mutual human respect all people deserve, while modeling the Christ-like ability to walk the line of truth and love. 

3: Calmly and clearly explain why you believe that “Gay Christian” is not the truth

This is where counsel may turn a dark corner, or where God begins to soften the heart of the homosexual in need of heart transformation. This is spiritual warfare because you are going to be tearing down the lies of Satan and crossing lines that stomp on his demonic agenda. He loves to cripple God’s creation with sinful lies and one of those lies is that you can be both gay, and a true follower of Jesus Christ. The Bible says that homosexuality is sinful, and Jesus Himself defined marriage as being between one man and one woman. Several key passages help us see how the Bible presents homosexuality and how genuine Christians follow Christ: 

• Genesis 19:1-13 presents the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, making it clear that sexual relations with the same sex were condemned. 

• Matthew 19:4-6 is Jesus saying, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

• John 14:15-17 records Jesus telling His disciples, “If you love Me, you will obey Me.” Love for Jesus is linked to obedience to Jesus. Luke 11:27-28 is a powerful example of Christ’s expectation of His followers when a woman cries out, “Blessed is the womb that carried You, and the breasts at which You nursed!” Jesus then replies, “On the contrary, blessed are those who hear the word of God and follow it.”

• Romans 1:18-27 lays out a clear picture of what is happening inside of the human heart when people “suppress the truth in unrighteousness.” Paul explains that people have exchanged God’s design for an unnatural design of same-sex relationships. 

• 1 Corinthians 6:9 lists several sins that if continuously practiced without repentance will lead to being outside of the kingdom of God. Paul writes, “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals…”

In light of how aggressively the kingdom of darkness will fight the kingdom of light on this one, you should pray fervently beforehand. In this effort, you are doing what Paul describes in 2 Corinthians 10:3-6 when he writes, 

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not wage battle according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying arguments and all arrogance raised against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, and we are ready to punish all disobedience, whenever your obedience is complete.

One cannot be a gay Christian because the title is a contradiction of the truth. To be gay is to actively be in sin, and to be a Christian is to follow Christ. Just like we do not boast in nor accept the title, “Greedy Christian,” or “Lying Christian,” or “Alcoholic Christian,” or “Wife-beating Christian,” we speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) and call our neighbor to lay aside falsehood (Ephesians 4:25). 

4: Call for the repentance of the sin of homosexuality. 

This is the task of how we address sin within the body, and how we address sin with those who think they are in the body but are not. Sin can be complex because it weaves a web of lies, pain, and pride that takes divine intervention to untangle, but God did not callously leave us without a solution for sin. He mercifully calls us to confess our sin and trust in His righteousness, not our own (1 John 1:9). If someone is a genuine believer and they will acknowledge that homosexuality is a sin, submit to God’s way above their way, and walk humbly knowing that we all stumble in various ways (James 3:2), then what you will have sitting before you will be another testimony of God’s grace working powerfully in the heart of a forgiven and redeemed sinner. Just like practicing liars, adulterers, thieves, murderers, gossips, abusers, and sinners of all kinds need to turn from their sin and look to Christ for salvation, the homosexual must acknowledge that their sexual orientation is oriented to rebellion against a holy God. 

5: Be a loving, unwavering, bastion of truth they can come back to again and again

Like Christ modeled for us, let the religious Pharisees come with questions that we might give them the truth. Let the rich come with questions that we might give them the truth. Let the poor, the sick, and the weary come that we might give them the truth. Let all come to hear the truth again, and again, and again. 

I don’t know how your conversations with homosexuals will end up, but I can speak from experience that some walk away for good after just one conversation, and others circle back from time to time to dialogue and go another round. Still, some repent and turn to Christ. I cannot presume to know all that is happening in the human heart, but I know my role is to be what one mentor called “the bastion of truth.” A bastion is a fortified structure. It is a place or a person who stands on certain principles and convictions without wavering. This is what the church must be. We do not waver on sin, we do not cater to the culture, and we do not use pragmatic and clever means to attract the world into our ranks. If a homosexual wants to come to your church, ask yourself why? Are you pandering and compromising and thus practicing homosexuals will have a haven for their sin and justification for their rebellion under the guise of godly faith? Or, have you proven to be a loving, unwavering, bastion of truth and they seek answers, counsel, and even repentance? Whatever the case, you do not need to concern yourself with any of the subjective unknowns or false caricatures regarding mistreatment of gay people. 

Only this: Speak the truth in love.