Keeping Heaven in the Home
In our lifetime, we've witnessed a collapse of the American family. The nuclear home is gone, and teens now spend almost 9-hours per day online. Meanwhile, the average family spends a mere 37-minutes per day interacting. The outcome, well, we've all seen it. Where the family goes, the church goes. Where the church goes, the society goes. Christian parents must make a change.
Charles Spurgeon once said parents will give a sad account to the Lord if all they can say is, "Here are my kids; I raised them as gentlemen and left them wealthy." Spurgeon used to tell his congregation that to leave kids with what rusts on earth and nothing which lasts in heaven was "mocking" evidence of their foolishness. He's right, you know. Paul said as much. In Ephesians 6:1-2, he outlined what it means to build an obedient home, worshipful home, and blessed home.
I. An Obedient Home
Paul wrote, “Children, obey your parents…” (Ephesians 6:1). We often forget this is a strong command in the original text. A brief word study of the New Testament reveals a lot about the word “obey.” Obey is to:
cease evil behavior (Mark 1:25-17)
respond immediately to instruction (Acts 12:13)
make an internal change (Romans 6:12-16)
prepare for judgment (2 Thessalonians 1:7-8)
trust another (Hebrews 11:8)
work for peaceful security (1 Peter 3:5-6)
Using these statements, we can build a reasonably solid definition of biblical obedience:
Biblical obedience heeds counsel, making an internal decision to make an external change to avoid consequences and live in spiritual harmony with appropriate people.
Some Christian parents hesitate at the word "obey" because it rings of legalism. But in Tedd Tripp's book Shepherding a Child’s Heart, he reminds us, “The law of God is not easy for natural man as its standard is high and cannot be achieved apart from God’s supernatural grace. Thus, God’s law teaches us our need for grace. (So) when you fail to hold out God’s standard, you rob your children of the mercy of the Gospel.”
What a vital truth. When a mother or father refuses to place God’s moral expectation before their children, they ultimately rob the child of seeking and experiencing the grace offered in Christ’s satisfaction. Hence, guiding children to respect authority is paramount to their success in this life and preparing them for the one to come. A few tips on obedience in the home:
Practice Immediate Consequences. It is God-honoring to expect children to obey their parents after a first instruction, without delay, and without back-talk. For many parents who’ve grown accustomed to modern methods, e.g., counting 1, 2, 3…, this may seem unattainable. But it is attainable, and it’s vital to have enduring joy in the home. If our child won’t obey to eat veggies when he’s five, why would he suddenly obey to not party at age sixteen?
Explain Full Gospel Truth. Many Christian parents have never told their children about the consequences of their sinful condition, namely eternal damnation. Though it is essential to be sensitive (our goal is not to "scare" kids into false conversion), we must put the bad news before our children. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and the wages of sin is death. As they grow to understand the innate evil within, they will, as the Lord leads, repent and believe in Christ. It is stunning that parents will avoid the topic of absolute hell (claiming it “graphic”) yet allow kids to watch Marvel comic movies full of fake gloom and death.
Choose Friends With Care. It's been well said, "Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future." Though we are not called to live in a bubble, Christians are distinct and set apart, especially with our little ones. Parents must be highly selective of the shaping influences in a child's life. Hard questions must be asked: Who do we hang with? Do we do public education? Do we do sleepovers? Will we allow our children to date? Types of clothes? Types of sporting teams? Will tech be allowed in the bedroom? Should we wait on a phone with web access? etc., etc.
II. A Worshipful Home
In Ephesians 6:1b, Paul continues, "Children obey your parents in the Lord…." The prepositional phrase “in the Lord” is used multiple times in Ephesians to emphasize ultimate obedience (for parents and kids) is always to Christ.
In our home, this prepositional phrase is a big deal, primarily because we've told the kids that we all submit to the Word of God, including mom and dad. Invariably a situation will arise the children don't understand. After they've obeyed, they can respectfully "appeal" the decision. Typically they'll turn to the Scripture and point out how we may or may not have misapplied the Bible. Rather than be upset, we are encouraged. If our children are learning to submit to the Word of God when at home, we pray they will do so when in a college dorm room, out late with friends, or raising their own children one day.
One of the reasons many homes exist in constant confusion and frustration is a source of ultimate authority. Dad uses his brawn, and mom uses her wit. Teens are capable debaters, and even a toddler can throw a tantrum that shuts everyone down. The point is that a family without God's Word at the center, where all turn to for guidance, lives in forms of constant social schizophrenia.
The family is God’s base institution for order and worship in the world, so Satan works very hard to topple it. Satan went after the family from day one. In the book of Genesis, the wheels fall off after Adam doesn’t protect his wife, Cain kills his brother, Noah’s sons abuse him (Genesis 9:25), Abraham sleeps with the help (Genesis 16:4), Sodom and Gomorrah celebrate homosexuality (Genesis 19:24-25), Shechem rapes a girl (Genesis 34:3), Tamar feigns prostitution to get pregnant (Genesis 38:15-18). In short order, the family is destroyed by polygamy, adultery, fratricide, fornication, rape, incest, prostitution, seduction, and murder.
One way to protect your family and help them submit to God's Word is by practicing family worship. For a hundred years, most Christian families would gather to read the Bible and sing together in the evenings. With the advent of the radio, television, and now all forms of personalized media, family members hide in bedrooms, only leaving their "cave" for meals. Mom and dad, it is your responsibility to bring worship back into the home. Consider the following questions:
Do you practice family bible reading and prayer?
Do you sing together?
Do you play worship music around the home?
Do you have designated times for media?
Do you have a prayer board with answers and requests?
Most importantly, if we are not worshippers, our children likely won't be, either. A Swiss study found that if a father is not spiritual, there is a 98% chance his children will not be spiritual. Regarding this, Dr. James Dobson writes:
I must remind you that children miss nothing in sizing up their parents. If you are only half convinced of your beliefs, they will quickly discern that fact. Any ethical weak spot – any indecision on your part – will be incorporated and then magnified in your sons and daughters. Like it or not, we are on the hook. Their faith or their faithfulness will be a reflection of our own. As I've said, our children will eventually make their own choices and set the course of their lives, but those decisions will be influenced by our foundations. Someone once said, "The footsteps a boy follows are the ones his father thought he covered up.”
III. A Blessed Home
When a home is both obedient and worshipping, what naturally flows from it? To answer, Paul urges us back to the Old Testament with a relative clause, “Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise)…” (Ephesians 6:2).
Paul's point is super clear. The Ten Commandments originally came with a specific promise for the nation of Israel: Obey your parents, and your quality and quantity of life will improve. For Israel, as God's nation, it was a hard-fast rule. But it remains a proverbial principle for New Covenant believers: Generally speaking, obedient kids will have better quality and quantity of life than disobedient children. In the vernacular, we'd just call these blessings. It's not a health and wealth offer; it's not a prosperity promise, just a general proverb that those who start well tend to finish well. This is proven true in virtually every study ever done – Children who submit to authority have a better work ethic, dietary habits, education prospects, and investment plans. In contrast, disobedient children often have criminal records, gangs, debt, drugs, and disease.
Stunningly, Paul is saying the first ten years of our parenting may dictate the last 60 years of our child’s life.
The story is well known that psychologist Richard Dugdale noticed a New York crime family that kept ending up in prison. Intrigued, he took the time to trace their family heritage some 300 years to a man named Max Jukes. Of the 1200 ancestors studied, 310 were vagrants, 130 had been in prison, 100 had become alcoholics, 7 had committed murder, 190 had been prostitutes, and the family cost New York 1.5 million dollars.
In the same study, Dugdale observed the family tree of famed preacher Jonathan Edwards, also from New York. Of his ancestors: 300 went into church work, 100 became college professors, 100 became attorneys, 60 became physicians, 60 became authors, 30 were appointed as judges, 14 presided over a university, 3 became U.S. congressmen, and one became Vice President of the United States.
We must keep heaven in the home.
