Encouragement for Women Desiring Children

While Mother's Day can be a beautiful celebration for many, it can also be a week of emotional heartache for those unable to conceive. Though we know that there are women who God has called to be single, in the main, God has set motherhood as a central flourishing for women (1 Tim 2:15). So, when we experience the inability to carry forth this beautiful legacy, we hurt. 

Often our struggle is not based on our intellectual understanding of theology. As we grow in the Word, we learn that God is in control of our lives, and most of the time, we are ready to assert our confidence in the Lord's sovereign rule. Yet, how our emotions interact with this understanding through difficult circumstances challenges us and can shake our faith. 

There are many reasons for the “faith struggle” surrounding sterility and miscarriage. First is that attempting to get pregnant and carry a baby full-term demands we admit our very finite nature and abilities (1 Sam. 1:27). Another is that enduring a miscarriage forces us to grieve “what’s been taken” though never having celebrated what should have (in our mind) been “received.” Naturally, we struggle with the problem of evil and the idea of any life being born to die. Still, further, we wrestle with our spouse through feelings of insecurity and doubt, doctor visits, and false positives. 

So, for the wife preparing to attend church this Sunday and watch everyone celebrate Mother’s Day, may the Lord provide significant peace and comfort as you remain 1) Rooted in His character, 2) Remembering your vows, and 3) Rejoicing in your local church.  

1: Rooted in Christ’s Character.

Instead of quickly listing out many verses you already know, I pray you'll allow me to whisper a brief reminder that God truly is the giver of all life. And may I be even more specific? Jesus, your Savior and Lord, is intimately involved in that creational process (Jn. 1:3-4). So dear sister, when you are trying for "baby," you can hold near your heart the awe-inspiring truth that Christ Himself is involved, meaning the abounding heart of love that He offered from the cross determines the timing of your family. And I pray that truth crests to the depths of your soul. The infinite Lord, the loving Savior, is intimately aware of your future.  

One verse that has carried me through many “gray” days is Philippians 4:6 because Paul tells us not to be “Anxious for anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving to let my requests be made known to God.” And though I always hope he’ll start verse 7 with “Then your prayer will be answered!” he never does (Huff!). Instead, he says, “And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your heart…." And therein rests our hope, not that our circumstances are promised to change, but that we’ll have His peace regardless. 

2: Remembering Your Vows.

A second encouraging reality is how God's Word openly speaks to infertility. The Lord was even willing to give us a “sneak peek” into the heartache of one couple in 3000 BC. The wife’s name is Hannah, and her husband is named Elkanah. They seem like a pretty ordinary bronze-age couple, except that Hannah can't have children and is mired in total depression. Then in 1 Samuel 1:8, there's a beautiful (humorous?) exchange where Elkanah approaches Hannah in her desperation, asking, “Why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?" And though we may smile at Elkanah’s apparent lack of sensitivity, we dare not miss the remarkable picture of a man in ancient patriarchal culture gently approaching his wife to love and encourage her. 

The story later describes Hannah's petition and God's ultimate plan to raise a young prophet to answer Israel's sin, but it also shines a light on the immense pressure sterility puts on a marriage. Even in antiquity, we read of a husband trying "anything" to comfort his inconsolable wife. Isn't that true to form? Emotions run hot. Doctor bills run high. Depression sets in. Even sexual intimacy feels forced and anxious. Very quickly, a couple that desires the same thing can feel they’re on opposing teams. And herein lies a subtle reminder for us ladies: don’t idolize children to the detriment of marriage. God has given us our spouse; to him, we made vows; he's the man who promised to love us till death do we part, which is a most excellent treasure in life for which we do well to be thankful. 

3: Rejoicing in Your Local Church.

Lastly, if you're struggling with infertility, this Sunday may be difficult but don't forget that the brothers and sisters in your church were put there by the Lord to help. If you're exhausted, ask someone for prayer. If you feel emotional, ask to sit with a trusted friend. Following the service, approach the pastor and ask for prayer. In the end, the means of preaching, corporate worship, and genuine fellowship are graces the Lord gives to carry you through present heartache. 
In conclusion, my dear sisters, I pray your Mother's Day weekend is one less focused on prayers yet answered and more focused on Christ's splendid character, on a renewal of covenant vows with hubby, and on the momentous blessings of a church community where we don't walk alone; whether on the mountain or in the valley.